Saturday, March 23, 2013

A Beautiful Man, A Beautiful Soul.

My life, my soul mate, my love is gone!

Devastation, sadness, grief and heartache are all just words that can't begin to describe what my daughter and I are feeling at the moment.

André has left us for an important, unexpected and unscheduled meeting with Angels!

He will never come through the door, never take us in his arms, never tease us, never get angry at the dog anymore.

The battle is lost, he died on the night of Marsh 21st. His weakened body gave up.

Since then this song below, has been in my mind constantly. Is he the one playing it repeatedly? Is it auto suggestion? I have no idea. It's not a song that had any specific meaning for us and please don't imagine us as deranged looking Elvis fans. It was not "our song" but somehow it describes the way I feel and dare I say, the way he somehow felt about me.

It all started in an elevator, a device made to carry us upward, a place where you never know who you will meet. In one, I met the man of my life. I was 18.

For all my adult life, he's been my confidant, best friend and lover. I'm afraid he's done more for me than I for him and thinking of going on without him could be unbearable except that he's leaving me with the best thing we've ever done together, our daughter.

She is so much like her father, a constant reminder of how incredibly strong and wise he was. It's not fair to lose a parent a few months short of 14 but this past week she seems to have been infused with the personality of her dad. She has been my rock! I can only hope that I will be able to guide and keep her happy.

André was a beautiful man, a beautiful soul.

Thank you all for your support, for the prayers, the virtual hugs and for the words of comfort.

Hélène xoxo

Angel Wings, Victoria Station

Saturday, March 2, 2013

What happened this week / Ce qui c'est produit cette semaine

This past week will go down as being one of the hardest I've ever had to live through!

Last weekend, André had a bit of fever and then hypothermia. According to the doctors this was indicative of an infection, likely pneumonia. On Monday it was confirmed that it was indeed pneumonia. Although it can be treatable, for someone with liver disease it can be dangerous. When they told me, they had long faces and where not too encouraging, telling me that since he was quite weak the next few days would be crucial.

I went into action! Back in his room, I raised the head of the bead and started talking to him, stimulating him so he would make efforts to cough and make breathing exercises to dislodge the secretions. On Tuesday he was doing great, was awake for most of the day and was getting stronger. On Wednesday he was quite sleepy. I attributed this to all the efforts he had made the day before. No longer could we hear the weird noise his throat made when breathing. On Thursday I got scared again. He was even more sleepy. I started to panic and prayed like never before in my life. I didn't want to see the doctors, afraid of what they would say.

Yesterday, Friday, when I went in to see him he was still sleepy and an orderly told me the doctors wanted to see me. I felt like the Sword of Damocles was ready to slice me in two.

The news, no new infections, André is stable and they are no longer concerned by the pneumonia!

My emotions got the best of me and for the rest of the day I was a wreck. I just couldn't believe that I had finally received a bit of good news. He remains very sick of course and anything could go wrong but I refuse to think about a tragic outcome. Knowing that last night he was smiling and almost laughing at an orderly's jokes, confirms that he keeps his positive attitude and he wants to get through this. For me and for Catherine.

Again, thank you all for your messages of support and encouragement. My email in-box is about to explode and I won't be able to respond to all of them.

Keep the prayers and good vibes coming, we're not done with them yet.

Hélène & Catherine


Cette semaine qui se termine aura été l'une des plus difficiles de ma vie!

La fin de semaine dernière, André a fait un peu de fièvre, puis, de l'hypothermie. Ce type de fluctuation de température corporelle indique généralement une infection. Lundi les médecins ont confirmé qu'il s'agissait d'une pneumonie. Bien que ce soit généralement traitable, pour quelqu'un avec une maladie de foie cela peut avoir des conséquences tragiques. Les médecins m'ont indiqué que les prochains jours seraient cruciaux et disons qu'ils ne semblaient pas très positifs.

De retour dans sa chambre je me suis mise en action. J'ai levé sa tête de lit et me suis mise à le stimuler en lui faisant faire des exercices respiratoires et à l'encourager à tousser pour aider à déloger les sécrétions. Mardi il a passé la majeure partie de la journée éveillé, presque assis. Mercredi il était somnolent  Normale puisque la veille non seulement avait-il fait de grands efforts mais il avait reçu plusieurs visiteurs. Jeudi mes inquiétudes étaient de retour. Non seulement était-il encore plus somnolent mais il semblait sombrer à nouveau dans un léger coma encéphalopatique. Prise de panique, je ne voulais pas rencontrer les médecins de peur qu'ils aient encore des mauvaises nouvelles à m'annoncer.

Hier, vendredi, c'est avec le coeur lourd que je me suis rendue à l'hôpital et peu après mon arrivée j'ai su qu'un médecin voulait me voir. J'avais l'impression que l'Épée de Damoclès allait me trancher en deux!

Pas de nouvelles infections, pas d'inquiétude au sujet de la pneumonie, il est stable!

Mes émotions on prises le dessus, j'avais peine à croire qu'il n'y avait pas de mauvaises nouvelles.

Hier soir, l'attitude positive d'André a refait surface. Il a sourit et même rit aux blagues que racontait le préposé qui veille sur lui.

Continuez à nous envoyer vos prières et énergies positives, nous en avons encore besoin. Une journée à la fois, chacune est une petite victoire.

Hélène & Catherine

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