What are the chances of meeting the one person that will make your life better and more complete? To get to live it once is the most amazing thing but to get to live it twice, now that is just beyond incredible!
I was lucky, oh was I lucky to be loved by a man for whom I was the center of the universe, till the end. André was the most amazing man and I miss him every day. He was the one mainly responsible for who I became, the person I am today and I will always be thankful. He left me my daughter Catherine and for that too I will always be thankful.
The emptyness after the loss, the insecurities, what did the future hold for me have kept me up so many nights...
The Crystal Ball
John William Waterhouse (1902)
Private Collection
I can still vividly remember last year when after his death I had to pick myself up and think of the future, the stress of finding a job to be able to provide for my daughter in the way she was accustomed was just maddening. Oh the pain! At times I didn't think I would make it. There was of course my beautiful bloguerette friends but two people were largely instrumental in helping me get through the darkness, my web friend Laura and my neighbour, Mr J.
Laura was "there" that long winter during which André fought his ultimate battle and to my great despair, lost. She was there to console me and to encourage me. She was my one confidant, the one who knew all about my frustrations, anger and deep sadness. Then in April I started to have little chats with Mr J, a neighbour, who would stop by the fence and kindly chat with me when getting home from work. Those little bits of conversation made my summer slightly more bearable. He was my only human contact besides Catherine.
This past spring the chats with Mr J resumed after a long cold winter. Tall, handsome and extremely charming, he knew I wasn't looking,..
Because of the strong love I had for André I wasn't looking to find someone, I thought I wasn't ready and in fact every time I would start to think about meeting someone new there was always a feeling of disdain, a recoil of sort... no just no... No way could I be with someone else!
A month ago it all changed... Mr J gave me a hug, a simple comforting hug. He too knew all about my sadness, frustrations, anger and loneliness. He knew André, knows how much I loved him and always will. In my heart is where he belongs now... He's my past and it would seem that Mr J just might be my future...
Sadly some of us never get to experience deep love, the kind of love that comes out of passion yes but mostly out of respect for one another, consideration and oh, tenderness...
With André, passion brought us together, with Mr J, friendship was the culprit...
It would seem that I was born under a lucky star for I do believe I'll get to experience it twice!
